so...i'm tired...

well now that i have typed the rest of the poem i wrote, i am tired. but i do want to give a little synopsis of my past week.

i went to dallas this weekend, fun times. i saw eric roberson...he great, i love him. he did not perfome my song, but he signed my cd "marchele, i ask you for clarity" at least i was happy about that. i got a perm...she had to cut about an inch off...so sick about that. it wil grow again, i'm sure. :( i was going to go to houston this weekend but, i have rescheduled that trip. i need to go there to see grams. my dad said her brain is getting worse. i don't have her mentally, i have not had her that way in a long time...but now with the acceleration in the deterioration(sp) i will lose her physically...i will be a sick mess thinking when that happens. i might not be at work...i already know. *sigh*...so, not ready.

okay now for something happier. i get to stay home this weekend. i need to sell my old car. i want to go to europe. i know someone there...kind of...i have not met this person, but i don't feel like there will be anything wrong with going to hang with him. why not i meet crazy people all the time...that would not be a surprise...now if i lost my life, that would not work for me. i'm just saying.

i need money and a new job, i should put my resume on here, that would be COOL!!...well not so cool, but if i got a job out of it...why not...wait...then they would see how crazy i am, then i would do it under a new name. a professional blog. i would put my...WAIT, i am so sure someone else has done this, i need to do some research.

i have been in a blah mood lately, nothing really excites me, i am in an "i don't care" mood. maybe i'm numb...that sucks. i need to feel like life is full of things to experience and actually feel those experiences. i thought it was hormonal, but i'm not a girl right now, and i still feel that way, what is wrong with me? no clue.

you ever feel like you have so much potential it's overwhelming, i need to hone in my powers and focus them on a few things. i could get so caught up in a lot of things...how do people do it? have 6 companies, 5 kids, 4 homes, 3 hobbies, 2 lovers and one at at time to do it in... like the time i have to waste and not be stressed. i like that i have the time to do what i want, and not be bothered. my stress should be nil. i need to get my eyebrows done. anyways, i stress and i need to work on that...it's not necessary. for a while i have been bombarded with messages that i need to love myself more. *sigh* i know it's god trying to tell me something...has to be...that's all i am hearing. i hear friends being concerned about me, enjoying my company, talking to me, telling me good things about myself. then there's the things on tv i see, and the random "you are cool ****" moments that i have. so, clearly i need to think better of myself. *sigh* it's hard. i'm trying though. i get tired of fighting what needs to happen in my life...just let the stuff happen, go through the changes and be done.

you know, i am a funny person, but i can't think of not a one funny story to put on here... i need comice relief. this blog can't be about my issues all that time...someone is going to read this and be like "ugh, i thought i had issues, this chick has issues AND she's boring." can't have that.

i'll work on it.