The Practice Boyfriend Experiment

Background: I have been single for about seven years. In that time, I have been involved with men, but not in a relationship with them. So I have become accustomed to doing what I want when I want without regard for too many people. Life has been okay that way. It wasn't until I was charged up by my guy friend about not letting him know I had made it home from being out of town for the second time in one month, that I realized: I might not know how to be a good girlfriend, because I have not had to be considerate of someone in a long time.

Clarification: Don't be appalled, I am not a real rude person or anything like that. I have called some people to let the know I've made it home or to let them know I'm okay... but even in those instances... I might have had to set a reminder to do so. I just forget and I know that I am okay, so I don't think that I need to tell anyone else. It sounds worse that what it is... I think.

Experiment: My guy friend said that if he were we to make me his girl, he already knows that I wouldn't listen to him because I forgot to let him know I made it (for the second time). I told him that I didn't know how to be considerate and that I would need to practice being a girlfriend in order to be prepared for the real deal. He said okay and we agreed to be boyfriend-girlfriend (bfgf) for the month of February.

Rules: We talk everyday. We talk about more than just our day. We see each other at least once in the month. We claim each other in front of friends and family. Being physical (optional). Pet names (a nice touch). Respectful of TV shows and sports (a must).

Caution: For anyone trying this, you should make sure you do this with someone you don't want to be with. Not someone you are trying to trick into being with you. This is practice. Period.

First Week: We talked and emailed a lot. We laughed and joked on the phone and expressed what would be difficult about actually having a relationship. For him it was expressing his feelings. For me it would be being considerate and not looking for the worst to happen. As I talked with my "bf", I learned a lot about his past relationships and what he thinks about the future. We shared some childhood stories and just became closer.

Second Week: Still talking everyday. I am telling more people about my boyfriend. Some know that he is practice others just know that I have a boyfriend. At this point, I am really liking the fact that I can say "I have a boyfriend" or "My boyfriend called me" It's really fun. My boyfriend said that we need to see each other at least once in the month. He made plans for us to hang out on Valentine's Day. I had already bought him a card and mailed it to him. I drove to Dallas to hang out with him. We had a great time. For anyone asking, no, we did not do anything physical. We went on a nice date, hung out with some of his friends, talked and then we went to sleep. In the morning, we cooked breakfast together, ate and watched movies. Again, nothing physical. Also for those who are asking: No he is not gay. Yes, he probably would have done something... I am really cute. Anyways, we chilled. I left and made to let him know I made it back. I am so glad I went.

Third Week: We've continued to talk everyday. I realized that I might be a little sad that we'll have to break up soon. I've enjoyed learning more about someone that I've been calling my homeboy. He's really more of a friend now because of what I learned. I stereotype a lot and even though he is what I thought of him, I am accepting that he is so much more than that. He's nice and sweet. He is caring and generous. Funny and willing to try things. Respectful and just a cool guy. If you're asking: No, we will not be extending our month together.

Fourth Week: So now we are in our fourth and final week. Sigh... I think this would have been harder if we lived in the same city. Not impossible... just harder. I told him that I would be sad that it will be over. He said that he would be sad too. But hey... I can say that I had a successful relationship. No drama, no heartbreak... Just a mutual parting after a mutual joining.

The conclusion to come soon...

I know it's been a while...

I really thought that I would have bought a diary by now. I went a whole year without writing anything about my life. Sure I did a little poetry, but I really didn't do much. I let all of 2008 slip by it seems. Now that I'm in a new year, I see that writing what's going on in my life definitely helps me keep tabs on my feelings and where my emotions are pulling me.
Lately I have been in a state of blah... I just don't feel too strongly about anything. I don't feel depressed, excited, motivated, hurt, happy... nothing really. Of course there are discreet moments when I am happy... sad... mad... etc. But as an overall feeling of something, I don't have it. It's weird. I leads me to believe I am in a state of transition. I am going to have to make some definite decisions in my life in order to move forward. Changes regarding my faith, my body, my relationships... everything.

I can no longer let life happen to me. I can't.

What I have noticed is that I have not allowed myself to sit somewhere and think about what I need to focus on. Like I'm avoiding it. That sounds like me. I mean even a simple list of things to pray for would be nice... but then I would have to address these things. Sigh... I don't know why I am making it so difficult. What's always resounding in my head is "Don't let another year go by without doing something memorable."

I'm going to settle down and face what I'm avoiding soon. I can't continue like this.