so...i have considered playing with fire. i thought about pushing an emotional conversation with someone...then i considered pushing a sexual conversation with another. i need to quit while i'm ahead.
i also have desires...i want to have an event planning business. but what would that mean for me? ideally, i would like to work as an event planner. get paid right off the bat and do it for a crunk company. however, if i keep volunteering for things and telling people what i want to do, i am hoping that i will get some gigs that i can work on outside of a regular job, then that would lead to my own business. i need to research that, huh? *sigh* things are slowly unfolding...i don't want to rush, but i want to move when God says so. i'm torn. i will pray about it. maybe it's not meant that i do it in my own business...maybe i'm supposed to be that person that just does things and meets people and makes connections and still works a regular job...who knows. i keep thinking about all the potential i have to do great things...have a book, have a business, make investments, whatever...then i think that i need to take the safe route...wait...i don't want to be safe all the time...i told myself that 2007 was the year to grow a set of balls and man up. okay, okay...so i need to man up...
how do i do that?
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
Okay, so I'm transparent...Whatever...
i think that i hide things well. i don't really. i need to be aware of that. it's hard to know how my actions will affect everyone if i react so fast that i don't even know what i did. over the last week or so i have be pretty much a recluse. i realize that it's close to that time of the month...fine, but i really think that i have suffered a burn out. i was supposed to try and use my no muscle and that is going okay. i have not been asked to do anything else lately. nice. okay, wait let me make this an organized entry.
first, i'm feeling like i don't have anything to do at work, but i could be doing more if i were working on my own things, like looking for a job, planning events, and running errands. i need to go on another trip, break up the monotony. something.
second, i think i'm a little lonely. i want to have a guy to practice my moves on...and by moves i mean taking things slow, being upfront and making sure that he wants to have something more with me. i don't want to give so much of myself just to have him leave me (see previous blogs about how that is the story of my life). i can wait on having a man, but it would be nice to get it.
third, i have been pretty rude to people. maybe it's because of that time or it's because i have stuff on my mind and i can't handle being asked to do stuff all the time. i don't know. maybe i was a little jealous of some people and with others i was just rude because my mind was elsewhere. i have no clue.
fourth, i need to do some stuff. i have a few things i am workng on, but it seems like i need to do more. or maybe there's just some lag time right now because it's too early to plan everything. with the open mic group, i need to do things, but i have to meet with the group first. with the thing at the pastor's house. i can wait a bit, it's not until mid april. with the volunteer group, i have a meeting next week. and what i do for them is not too time consuming. i still need to job hunt. at least i'm getting a few calls about my resume.
fifth, i need more money. cool things though. i had two tens and i spent one over the weekend. when i went to use my other ten for some oranges (new craving), i saw that i had two tens still. that was clearly GOD because i can't recall how, when or what. i just saw it there. i hope no one is in trouble over it. i need to give a dollar to someone. like a tithing. i can do that.
sixth, i don't know. just feeling weird lately. tired, sad...i don't know... broke...maybe it's monday
so, no real action. no men. no ignorance...just thinking. a lot of thinking. i need to write something...do something.
first, i'm feeling like i don't have anything to do at work, but i could be doing more if i were working on my own things, like looking for a job, planning events, and running errands. i need to go on another trip, break up the monotony. something.
second, i think i'm a little lonely. i want to have a guy to practice my moves on...and by moves i mean taking things slow, being upfront and making sure that he wants to have something more with me. i don't want to give so much of myself just to have him leave me (see previous blogs about how that is the story of my life). i can wait on having a man, but it would be nice to get it.
third, i have been pretty rude to people. maybe it's because of that time or it's because i have stuff on my mind and i can't handle being asked to do stuff all the time. i don't know. maybe i was a little jealous of some people and with others i was just rude because my mind was elsewhere. i have no clue.
fourth, i need to do some stuff. i have a few things i am workng on, but it seems like i need to do more. or maybe there's just some lag time right now because it's too early to plan everything. with the open mic group, i need to do things, but i have to meet with the group first. with the thing at the pastor's house. i can wait a bit, it's not until mid april. with the volunteer group, i have a meeting next week. and what i do for them is not too time consuming. i still need to job hunt. at least i'm getting a few calls about my resume.
fifth, i need more money. cool things though. i had two tens and i spent one over the weekend. when i went to use my other ten for some oranges (new craving), i saw that i had two tens still. that was clearly GOD because i can't recall how, when or what. i just saw it there. i hope no one is in trouble over it. i need to give a dollar to someone. like a tithing. i can do that.
sixth, i don't know. just feeling weird lately. tired, sad...i don't know... broke...maybe it's monday
so, no real action. no men. no ignorance...just thinking. a lot of thinking. i need to write something...do something.
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