As I wait for atonement...

Okay, I really like J*Davey. I want their CD.

*sigh* so the poetry show went very well. i'm happy with how it went down. my mom came in to support me. nice, she loves me. then we kicked it and that was cool, my young cousin was at a place that i went to. i knew i was too old to be in there, but hanging with my homeboy and his friend made it fun.
okay, this is why i am writing in here. i want to buy a house, but i'm broke. i am tired of not having money, it's getting on my nerves. i know that things will get better, but i don't like that it's such an issue. i want to be okay where i am, know that i will have better and have the patience to wait for what's for me.
i also want a boyfriend. i think. maybe. i get involved with unavailable men on purpose. i get hurt. then i am convinced that i won't be with anyone. no one is every right, i don't let anyone get close. with the past dudes i've dealt with it really seems that way. i know i chose wrong, but it does not seem like there is anyone right being shown to me. that sucks. i see men all the time. i just don't want to deal with them if i am not attracted to them or i don't feel they are right. the thing is, is that i've been attracted the the wrong men. *sigh*
so, tortured soul and i are on the outs again. there is obviously something wrong with our being "friends" because it does not work out for us. so i think it's best that i leave him alone, like my original plan was. i am too possessive over him and he is not letting me possess him. he can't not with all the issues he has. he can't even be a good friend to me. did he come to my show, nope. and why, because of his stupid choices and situations. UGH! so what's the point? there is no point to us being friends. we are not friends, we are acquaintences. FINE THEN!

i guess i'll just be waiting for the time to come when things work out the way i am praying for them to. i wait and wait for something to happen. i have tried to make things happen and they do, but they have been some wrong things. i need to keep my hands out of it and let god do his work. it's hard to sit still.