I can't...

I can’t, I can not, I just cain’t!
I do not have the ability
To love you
To keep you
To make you mine
To possess you
Because you don’t want me to
Oh! How hard I tried.
I wanted to make a solution of us
The thick oil of my hope
Settled for what you gave me to the bottom
While the shallow water of what you wish you could be for me
Pressed down on top
We separated
All the arms that I used to hold onto you have been amputated
The “ghost limb” theory is true even metaphorically, because I still feel like I have a hold on you
I gave you a slice of my heart and you sandwiched that with your pain
It satisfied your hunger for an unconditional love
Now I don’t feel whole because of the hole you left
Our perfect dysfunction always malfunctions
I want to dig my claws in your back because that’s the closest part of you that I can reach
You always face another
Always place another before me
I lose indefinitely
There’s precision in the way you diss me
Calculated words that always equal up to
Me minus you
Am I better off? Sure…maybe
I look to the sky after our lovestorm
I see that our rainbow has 7 colors
Black misunderstanding
Blue sadness
Purple passion
Green envy
Yellow cowardice
Red anger
White hope
I pray for true reconciliation with you
I pray for contentment with myself
Until the answers come I will pry my grip from your back and let you go
I will cry all the tears of resentment that I hold
Wholeness will come and love won’t be born out of fear
It won’t hurt to love you
I can, I will I have the ability
To love
To heal
To move on
To be