Two to Three Weeks

that's about how long a dude lasts in my life...i realize i have some fatalistic thinking about relationships...but that's just how things have happened...
now if you look at the history of my encounters with men there are several that have lasted longer that that. i mean these dudes have lasted for years...taking up space in my heart and making me feel like i am not going to ever get with someone who truly wants to be with me.
it's just that lately, i have had these run ins with men who are interested (one i was interested in) and they don't last long at all. don't feel bad, i am thankful that they don't last. i'd rather them be gone instead of hanging around taking up space...space that my boo should be in. i actual prayed for this to happen. it's just funny how it has come to pass.
one dude, was interested in me. we hung out and he seemed cool. not the one for me to be with is what i thought right off the bat. i just always feel that way...i decided that i was jumping the gun and i should give the guy a chance. my mom says i am too mean to men and she would hate for my brothers to deal with a woman like me...nice. anyways, he and i hang out and it's pretty cool. not a lot of communication but that's fine, because i am busy. well my birthday comes and he does not even call me let alone come to my birthday dinner. that is a NO NO to me. i don't hear from him until a week later and he asks me if i got some... SOME...some what??? needless to say we don't talk anymore. it might have had something to do with the fact that his homey and i might have had something to do with each other and he picked up on it...but what i had with ol' boy was long ago and oh so far away...anyways, we are on a hi and bye basis now...which is great with me
the last dude, i went after...i know i know...leave the men alone...but he is FINE...sorry. i just wanted to be wrapped up in his arms...his strong muscular arms...mmmmm, just tasty. well clearly he is not worried about me, because there has been no initiation of contact in his part...just me. i can take a hint...i'm not tripping about it. whenever i see him...i'll say hello. he might have another chick or two...i still want to hug on him...LOL!
this most recent dude...i hate to say it, but I ALREADY KNOW it won't last. one, he's a larger that what i would like to deal with. two, i'm not sure if we are compatible on our views of sex...i'm sure he wants it ans doesn't mind doing it...i would like to wait. three, i feel like he could really like me and i would have to break it to him that i am not interested. i'm not really interested...we can hang, but i don't want to be with him...so even though he knows about the 2-3 week time limit (he put a reminder in his phone) it does not make him immune to it. poor men.

my hope is that when the dude i really need to be with comes into my life i will know...like really KNOW...if it is so easy for me to know when a dude is not right, shouldn't i be able to know when he is right? that's the hope. it's not all about men...

i am involved with another entertainment group...at some point this needs to turn profitable for me. i want to be heavily involved with the groups, but i do have a real job...*sigh* i'm feeling like i need to take a step back and see what my purpose is...i thought i knew, or had some revelation on it...now...not so much. i need to think on this...pray on this...something.

that's about it...might have a poem or something soon.