When you clean house...it's easy to see things...

Some of these things don't really need to be seen or received though.
Sometimes, these are things that are keeping you from being focused: the whole reason for cleaning house in the first place.

Okay, what am I talking about? I am talking about actually entertaining the flirts of someone who I determined was wrong a long time ago. No, not any of the ones I have mentioned before; this one is someone who did not even make that cut. What I enjoy is the attention and the aggressiveness and that it is very funny...BUT, at some point I started to think: Hmm, maybe this could turn into something worth looking at...something that I should consider if the pieces fell right.
WHAT AM I THINKING??? I don't know. I feel like now that I have gotten rid of all the others, for real this time (side note: I have not been emotionally involved with anyone in a LONG time...for me that's like 7 months, I am proud of me) that I have all this room for someone real...or in this case, someone who is there.

What's wrong with him? Plenty. When I think of my ideal guy, the person that I feel God would place me with, it's not him at all. At all! I have tried to throw out the possiblilty of an us with my friends (mutual ones) to see what their reaction is. All of them are like "Yeah, right, him...whatever...he's a mess and not right" So, I am like cool. I receive that...I got that. BUT then I think...(thinking gets me in trouble)...maybe it could be...like that last to be suspected turns out to be the culprit. I'm reaching, I know. REACHING. So, I chatted with him the other night and tried to see where his head is. It's not in the right place where I would feel comfortable having a relationship with him. He's funny...hilarious even, I enjoyed our conversation. I guess that's it.
I had to get another test to get me focused...get my game face on. So I brought him up with my mother. She was like "OH NO, we do not like him! You need someone else. He has too much going on." She's right. Considering where I am going (trying to go in life) and where he is, they are not in the same direction. I can not get emotionally caught up when I JUST cleaned house of the ignorance I had before. That would be fatalistic and stupid. So, now that I have that clarification. I am good. Mom's know. I needed to hear it from her.

So it is what it is.

I am sure when it is right, I want have so many questions, not a lot of concerns and fears of being with the guy. It will be easy and it will flow. No confusion. I hope...

Just thought I would share. So now...the task will be to stop talking about him like I have a crush. Cause, that's all it is. A crush...no substance. I obsess over possibilities and I make them bigger than what they are I make them real. Even when they shouldn't be.

I'm crazy.