I would be tired of myself too...

so, guess who conjured up her ex? yep, me. i had a dream about him and it was something so nice and sweet and took me back to the days when i loved hard and he loved me hard in return. *sigh* i had a feeling that since i had a strong dream about him he might call. i mean it's been 5 years and to this day if i think of him too hard...he'll call, it has yet to fail...what does that mean? i don't feel anything for him. he's crazy and we are just not meant to be...ever. so why does he call at these times...maybe because he was my first and he loved me like no other chick, we have an eternal connection. who knows...it's crazy...
so...back to t.s. umm, i mean i have not been in touch with him...i have been good. then i saw him...i went to where he stood, i was friendly and it felt okay. i was captivated and even though there was someone else around...all i remember is seeing him...*sigh* sickening i know. but i figured it was okay to speak and not be rude and i could carry on. well, the next day, he approaches me...he's happy like for the first time he's really and truly happy. i am happy for him as well. we smile and hug and i am so happy that he looks happy...my cheeks hurt from all the cheesin' i did. things are obviously not done...but my hope is that things will be better...not to be with him. but to be in his life and have him in my life in a healthy way...who's to say he even feels the way he did...who's to say i could feel the way i felt before, again. i still feel...but there's also a lot of resentment and uncertainty. my goal in dating now...is to see if i can marry someone. we can hang and if we feel it could work great, if not, then we would not have gotten so far into each other that it's complicated.

that's the hope, we'll see...

i am going to a formal event tomorrow, nice! i get to be pretty and dress up and be fly...like prom but way better than that....

OH MY GOODNESS!! I HAVE BEEN OUT OF SCHOOL FOR TEN YEARS!!
i feel so old.

tonight is the open mic i work with...i hope it goes well tonight...i am tired and i have a problem saying no to people...i will need to work on that.... next posting i'll give you the progress on that.