i got the job!!! $8000 more than what i was making before! i am happy and this will be a great opportunity for me. i will be working with the united way and they are paying me what i wanted. not really the big amount that i wanted, but an amount that makes it worth it. i am excited. it will be hard work...not more chilling, but it will take me to higher levels in my career and i will be apart of something that is helping others. wonderful!!
i have accepted that this is my path. i am not supposed to make a ton of money right now. but i am making enough to do want i need to do and i am able to get a position that will put me in the position to pursue my other ventures...event planning community help or whatever. nice.
i have also accepted that i am being led by my heart right now. some things just have to be played out until their end and it's going to be really hard to go against that. the song "where is the love" come to mind this morning and it applies to my situation. *sigh* i know, i know...i should be done, but i'm not. i don't understand why, but this is what it is. however, things are changing for the better where i will not be right next to my temptation all the time like i am now. whew! so, will this decrease what my heart feels? hopefully. if not, then something has got to give...i can't keep on like this...it's not fair to me and who i need to be with. whoever that is.
with all of that... i still am not any closer to feeling like things are okay.
last night something happened...when i woke up it felt like a dream...like "did that really happen" i had on the same clothes and my call log confirmed that it was a real situation...why did it seem like a dream then? i'm so glad you asked. it's because i had not been in that situation in a while, i wanted to get caught up in it and maybe i told myself to not think of it as anything more than that moment....no promises of a future, no apologies for the past...just that moment. like everything that could have been and everything that is happened right then. a moment isolated from reality...but a real moment for two hearts...*sigh* whatever.
maybe that's a poem...i'm tired of writing about it...but it's my life...
this is what i am accepting.
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